Pre marriage counseling – does it work?

If there is one question I see over and over again it is this one.  Pre marriage counseling, does it work or not?  I can’t blame those who ask.  Before I spilled my personal guts and plunked down my hard earned money I would want to know.  So, here is my two cents…

It’s the wrong question – Actually, you might be asking the wrong question.  It is kind of like asking, “Working out at the gym, does it work?”  Or, “Hiring a personal trainer, does it work?”  The answer depends on so many variables, but the success mainly depends on your fiancé and especially you.  Simply going to a gym and even listening to a great personal trainer like Jillian or Bob from “The Biggest Looser” will not help you if you both do not put in the effort it takes.

What the right answer gives – A personal trainer will show you exercises to make personal fitness a part of your healthy lifestyle.  A pre marriage therapist will show you exercises to make relational fitness a part of your healthy lifestyle.  In fitness you use exercises to build biological muscle.  In counseling you use exercises to build relational muscle.  Without exercise to build muscle of any type a living organism cannot function.  Without proper exercise your muscles will atrophy and you will die.  Going to pre marriage counseling will help you to learn how to exercise so that your marriage can be ripped…or successful if you want a non weightlifting term.

The right question – You should be asking, “Pre marriage counseling, do we want to (or can we) put in the effort to make it work?”  You do not need to be the world’s most educated and trained pre marriage therapist to know what makes a relationship work.  The frequent reason couples have trouble is because they may become more “me” focused and it’s hard to break out of that.  A pre marriage therapist helps you to focus on your spouse, which is the thing most successful married couples learn to do.

Excuses, excuses – You may not like my answer, and not to assume what you are thinking, but it is my professional opinion that many couples and individuals want to blame the breakdown of their relationship on anyone but themselves.  The divorce is all my spouses fault.  Or, maybe if you divorce it was the counselor’s fault.  He or she did not do a good job or said the wrong thing.  Furthermore, many couples do not want to go to pre marriage counseling because they believe they will not have problems in their marriage and their love for each other will get them through.  Well, I bet you the 50 percent who did divorce thought that they had it all together before they were married as well.  Every one out of two couples who divorced most likely said that they started their marriage in love.  You can never work enough on your marriage and a pre marriage counselor helps you to make the most out of that work.

Statistics show – Statistically, and this is for marriage counseling, many studies are somewhat conflicting.  Wilard Harley, Jr., author of “His Needs, Her Needs,” reported that some studies resulted in only 25% of couples who said that marital counseling helped.  However, John Gottman, one of the leading marital experts in the country on marriage, states that 85% of his couples improved their marriage.  Gottman states that he has found four indicators that can spell divorce in a marriage:  stonewalling (shutting down), contempt, criticism, and defensiveness.  If you are not sure you do these in your relationship, it might help to go to pre marriage counseling to find out.  Being aware of and having a marriage therapist help with these four problem areas would be beneficial to any marriage.

What if I don’t find the right pre marriage counselor? Do you have to find the best pre marriage counselor and, if you do not, are you destined for divorce?  Again, that is like saying, “If I don’t find the best personal trainer I will not loose the 25 pounds I want to loose and it will be the fault of a bad trainer if I gain more weight.”  Yes, some pre marriage counseling therapists are more experienced and educated than others.  Yes, some will probably help you more than others.  Unfortunately, the only time I usually hear these and other excuses given is when one or both partners do not want to put in the work and go in for the pre marriage counseling then need to start their relationship on a solid foundation.

It is up to you – Really, only you can answer the question, “Pre marriage counseling, does it work?”  The harder you are at working on your relationship and future marriage, the more likely you will answer this question in the affirmative.

Questions To Ask Before You Get Married

Premarital Questions banner

Dr. Marty Tashman

Questions To Ask Before You Get Married

Special guest interviewee: Dr. Marty Tashman

(MP3 at bottom of this page)

In this MP3 interview you will learn questions to ask before you get married and hear the answers to these questions that can help your relationship right now!

Questions to ask before you get married #1
What are some of the best questions to ask my fiancé?

    • Do you think we can make it?
    • Are differences the problem?
    • Do opposites attract?
    • What is the key to know if either of us has what it takes to make our marriage work?

Questions to ask before you get married #2
How do I know if we can make our relationship/marriage work?

    • What is the key to us getting along with each other?
    • Is there a form of influence that is good in our relationship?
    • What can my fiancé and I try to do to make our relationship work?
    • What are some signs that my fiancé and I will try make our relationship work?
    • What are some signs that my fiancé and I will respect each other’s opinion?

Questions to ask before you get married #3
Will my fiancé or I change after marriage?

    • What can we examine to know if we will change?
    • How will I know if my fiancé or I will be able to avoid one of the most common pitfalls of misunderstanding in our marriage?
    • What can we do to make our married life as enjoyable as our dating life?
    • What would be happening if we were married and suddenly one or both of us began to change?

Questions to ask before you get married #4
How do we know if we are ready for marriage?

    • Does marital success have anything to do with our emotional or actual age?
    • What is the key in knowing if my fiancé and I are ready for marriage?
    • What is the suggested amount of time we should date before we might be ready for marriage?
    • What do we need to have experienced within the time we have dated so that we know we are ready for marriage?
    • How do we know if we will be able to be there for each other after marriage?

Questions to ask before you get married #5
Should we talk about our prior history or ex relationships?

    • How do we know when to draw the line on certain past history subjects?
    • Why do we want to ask certain personal questions, or is there a real reason for asking?
    • What do we really mean when we ask, “Can you tell me about your past relationships?”
    • When is our discussion of past relationships a problem?
    • What should we receive from the other person when we talk to them about his/her past relationships?
    • What we may really want to know when we ask each other about past sexual experiences?
    • What should we be doing when it comes to talking about past relationships?
    • What is the key when talking about our past?

Who is Dr. Marty Tashman?

Dr. Marty Tashman has been a therapist for over 30 years. He believes that combining compassion and common sense with formal training and experience is the most effective way to help a couple deals with challenges they are facing. Marty tells his clients that therapy should help change come about during the very first session. Of course, problems are not solved immediately, but every meeting should bring the couple to learning how to become closer to each other. He does not think relationships can always be “fixed”, but if both partners want things to work they have taken an important step towards being a couple.

Dr. Tashman holds a doctorate in Clinical Psychology; he is a licensed Marriage Counselor, and a certified Social Worker. He holds a master’s degree in Counseling. He specializes in short term marriage counseling. Dr. Marty also works with couples where one partner is struggling with addiction. Dr. Tashman’s Marriage and Family Therapist License #37F100094000 and Social Work License #44SC00275900.

More FREE MP3

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    • The questions above in .pdf and Word form so you can view and/or add your own notes.
    • An outline of the entire interview and most of the answers to the above questions in .pdf and Word form so you can view and/or add your own notes.
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Questions to ask before you get married #6
What should we discuss if I don’t exactly like your family?

What exactly should be done if the in-laws are not getting along with you, me, or us?
What strategy could we use to allow the families to get along with us better?
Should we set boundaries or limits with our in-laws?
What should we do if one of us is too connected with our families (for example – one is a momma’s boy or one is a daddy’s girl to the extreme)?
What should we NOT do when we have disagreements over our families?
What should we do when we have disagreements over our families?
Can we talk with our parents about our relationship problems?
What can be the danger in working out our problems with our parents?
What is the key to working out our own relationship problems?

Questions to ask before you get married #7
How do we resolve conflict in our relationship?

If marriage experts say 70% of all conflict has no solution, how in the world will our marriage survive (Studies by marriage and family expert, John Gottman)?
What is the key to working out conflict if we do not agree with each other?
Should we forget about an argument and just let it go?
What should we say to the other if we disagree?
What should we NOT do if we disagree?

Questions to ask before you get married #8
What final/other questions should we discuss to help us be ready for marriage?

Please note: If the survey has answers that do not make sense we will assume that it was filled out by a computer and we will not email the link for the above items.

Questions To Ask Before You Get Married Interview MP3:

 
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Bridal Fitness

All eyes will be on you at your wedding and even after the wedding a lot of people will be looking at your pictures and video. You want to look your best. You may be thinking about bridal fitness (groom fitness if you are the man, of course). What can you do to lose a few pounds, can you do it quickly, and can you do it in a way that will not hurt your relationship or yourself? We will discuss bridal fitness in this video and how you can make it work.

Click on the image below to watch the Bridal Fitness video:

Relationships gone bad, how to make them good

When we think about relationships gone bad we usually don’t think about the loss of physical benefits. Case Western Reserve University, in Cleveland, Ohio, did a study where they polled over 10,000 married men about their relationship to gauge the results of relationships gone bad or good. The simple question was asked, “Does your wife show her love?” Those men who answered in the affirmative, or with a “yes,” had significantly less chest pain and high blood pressure. Women were found to show the same results…more love, less high blood pressure. Obviously, relationships gone good involve love and the showing of that love.

Many couples, where relationships have gone bad, are in tough situations. They want to show their love, but they don’t seem to do it or they can’t seem to do it. It can be both simple and complex.

Relationships are simple in that you can show love by simply holding hands. Jim Coan, a psychologist at University of Virginia did a study where he found a secret that allowed women to get through stressful situations. The secret was that they could cope more easily with pain if their partner was holding their hand. Now, that does sound simplistic and you might be saying, “Our relationship is much more complicated than that!”

Relationships are complex in that when it comes to relationships gone bad, as previously stated, people want to love each other, but for some reason they just don’t know how.

To reverse a relationship gone bad you need to get back to where you were when you were first dating. Love was shown and felt back then, now we just need to get back to showing and the feelings will come.

We can teach you how to love your partner. We can help you give each other what you both desperately need.

Shoot us an email or give us a call right away, for the sake of your heart and blood pressure!

Christian premarital counseling

Get more information
if you live near Indianapolis, IN

1. Define Christian premarital counseling. When someone says that he/she is a Christian premarital counselor, make sure you ask the therapist what he/she means by the word “Christian.” To do this you need to know what defines your partner and you as a Christian so that you will know if the counselor is on your same page. If you are not specific in what a Christian is you will most likely not be specific in what kind of Christian premarital counseling you will have and that is fine. However, if you believe that the title “Christian” requires certain views and even actions, you will want to find a counselor that reflects your beliefs. The use and definition of the word “Christian” is very diverse in our culture and country. Since you want more information on Christian premarital counseling, I would assume you don’t want counseling that uses the word “Christian,” but is no different from secular premarital counseling.

2. Background of the Christian premarital counselor. Just about any counselor can say they are a Christian counselor, but it is important to know where have they received their education. This is vital when you think about trusting a counselor to equip you for one of the most important decisions of your life. It would be a good idea to request Christian premarital counseling from a counselor who has a degree in the Bible or theology. That would only make sense, right? Even going to a “Christian” university or graduate school does not make a “Christian” counselor. Ask where he/she has received his/her Christian education and what they learned that pertains to their faith. If they do not have training in the Bible you might do better seeking your premarital counseling from someone who has. Ask specifics, you have a right to do so and the counselor should answer your questions.

3. Agenda for the Christian premarital counseling sessions. You will want to ask the counselor what is involved in the premarital counseling sessions that makes it Christian. Simply saying that you conduct Christian premarital counseling does not make it so. Does the counselor actually use the Bible in the Christian premarital counseling sessions (The counselor should definitely be using verses from Ephesians 5 and its definition of what a husband and wife should do in marriage, among other important sections)? Does the counselor discuss Christian aspects of marriage? Does the counselor discuss how to help your Christian family to thrive? Does he/she discuss the duties of Christian parents? These are all important topics that should be discussed in the sessions if you want Christian premarital counseling.

4. Measuring the spirituality of the relationship in Christian premarital counseling. A person who is good at Christian premarital counseling should have a tool/assessment/inventory that will indicate spiritual areas of the relationship that are strong and areas that could use some work. We use the PREPARE assessment and it is one of the best tools for couples who want effective Christian premarital counseling. You can take the assessment online and it is then used in the premarital counseling sessions. You will know exactly what to do in your relationship when you get done with the premarital counseling sessions.

5. Credentials for Christian premarital counseling? I do believe that Christian premarital counseling is most effective when done in the church. The church is who supports you, where you worship, and where you will be getting married. However, where has your pastor/clergy person received their relationship counseling? Have they received any training in counseling? While the Bible is sufficient for all things and for all couples, does the pastor know how to use it to prepare the couple for the incredibly important decision they are about to make? A counselor who has been trained in both the Bible and in counseling would be most effective. What if you are marrying in a different church or what if your pastor does not do premarital counseling? You can find many exceptional counselors, outside of the church, who have training in theology and counseling. Is this your pastor or counselor? Ask.

Going for any Christian premarital counseling is an exceptional idea! The point would be that you can get more Christian value with some counselors than with others.

If you ever have any questions, please contact us. It is our pleasure, job, and ministry to help you.
317-713-1130

Questions to ask before getting married


Click to get your free Questions to ask before you get Married MP3

So you are getting hitched (or thinking you might) and you are wondering about questions to ask before getting married. That is an exceptional question to ask about questions! While there are many premarital questions that would be effective there are some that will help more.

WCCO Television, out of Minneapolis, MN, interviewed the originators of one of the premarital assessments we use. This assessment is the Prepare Inventory and it is incredibly effective in evaluating your relationship and you.

The people at Prepare say that you should discuss four specific questions:

1. Are you satisfied with your communication and conflict resolution styles? These styles, most likely, will be carried over into marriage. If your partner quiet now, he/she most likely will be after marriage as well.

2. Do you feel your personalities are compatible? Some annoying things about your partner will change after marriage, the majority will not. The good things, hopefully, will say good, but you should know if you can live with your partner…warts and all.

3. How do you both feel about finances? Money is a big issue in marriage, I am sure you have heard, so you must discuss your monetary thoughts and opinions. Does only one save and the other spend? Will you have a budget?

4. Do you have the same values, priorities, and goals? If you are not running the race toward the same destination your relationship and marriage is bound to have difficulty. Talk about what is important to you both. One good question to ask, concerning priorities, is what would we want others to think or say about us after we pass away. The answers might be some of your priorities.

So, when it comes to questions to ask before getting married, you now know at least four good ones.

Check out our other article with more premarital counseling questions

WCCO’s web page with this information:
http://wcco.com/local/marriage.engagement.questions.2.1000864.html

WCCO’s video talking about premarital assessments and the 4 questions:
http://www.wcco.com/video/?id=59663@wcco.dayport.com

Take a practice Prepare inventory:
https://www.prepare-enrich.com/webapp/pe_main/mainsite/training/template/DisplaySecureContent.vm;pc=1241106105390?id=pe_main_site_content*pages*couples*public*CouplesQuiz.html&xlat=Y&emb_org_id=0&emb_prp_id=0&emb_unq_id=0&emb_lng_code=ENGLISH

Free counseling

For a free
15 minute
phone consultation
call 317-713-1130
or email us

Free counseling, does it exist? Maybe you would like to go for counseling, but in today’s economic climate that might not be possible. Products and services that are not a necessity might be some of the first to go. Keep in mind that as with most things in life you really do get what you pay for and when you are dealing with your emotions and psyche you should be very careful.

With that being said, the good news is there are some places you can go for reduced fee or even free counseling. This article will explain your options.

1. Internet. There are many internet sites that promote free counseling and some of the reviews I have read say that it is pretty helpful. I am not personally recommending any of these sources, necessarily, but they might be worth a try:

www.Dmlive.com, www.TheHopeLine.com

www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html – Christian based and free

www.nineline.org/ – for kids

www.myshrink.com/online-crisis-counseling.php – website with info, some help

www.kidshelp.com.au/home_KHL.aspx?s=6 – in Australia, but free

www.elderwisdomcircle.org/ – mentor type advice

www.angelfire.com/planet/lostsolace/ – peer advice at a type of forum

www.freewebs.com/freecounselling/livecounselling.htm – seems like free counseling by ICQ chat

www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=USA – help lines organized by state

2. Phone. There are many organizations that have phone numbers that you can call with many being toll free. The counseling or advice is usually free. Again, the quality cannot be guaranteed, so be careful:

1-800-273-TALK

1-800-SUICIDE – deals with more than just suicide

There is some controversy concerning online counseling and/or telephone counseling in that many feel that is might be unethical or even illegal. Most counselors, other than those in churches, must be licensed by their respective states. Counseling over state lines, whether by phone or internet, cannot be regulated, so that is the controversial part. As with most things, be cautious.

3. University graduate school counseling programs. Another alternative for free counseling is to go to a local university with a counseling graduate school. Look in the Yellow Pages or do a search on the internet by entering the terms “counseling department,” “university,” and your town or city name. This free counseling service will most likely be staffed by graduate students who will most likely do an excellent job. A licensed and trained supervisor will assist the students in assisting you.

4. Churches. One of the best sources of free counseling is at a local church. They often have free classes and assistance as well as free counseling. The church will need to be large and they sometimes give preferential treatment or prime access to their church members. Again, as with the local graduate school counseling programs, do an internet search and enter: church, counseling, and your town or city. Keep in mind that most churches will counsel you even if you do not share their particular religious faith. Just keep an open mind just as you would expect them to do the same.

Finally, if you know of any other free counseling resources that are on the net, accessible by phone, and/or in your town, please let me know.

Good luck!

Traditional wedding vows: 5 warnings to remember

1. Traditional wedding vows should be believed

The definition of a vow, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, is, “To declare or assert.” Not too difficult to do in your wedding, right. However, if you really want tradition wedding vows then you probably would believe that the definition of a vow is more serious than just speaking something. The word “vow” comes from the word “avow” and it is this second word that carries a more traditional meaning. “Avow” is defined as, “To acknowledge openly…confess.” You are not only declaring or asserting, but you are openly confessing words or phrases before God, your fiancé, and before numbers of other people. Other dictionaries state that a vow, or to avow, must include stating something that is believed to be right. Why this discussion about semantics or meaning? Well, because, you are looking for traditional wedding vows and that means you are most likely traditional also. Traditional people usually keep their word and do what they promise to do. They usually believe what they say.

2. Traditional wedding vows should be agreed upon before making them.

Traditional wedding vows usually include traditional language and beliefs. Sometimes tradition is old fashioned, if you don’t mind calling it that, and old fashioned can be pretty serious about marriage. Most traditional wedding vows include the phrase, “till death do us part” or “as long as we both shall live” and you both should agree on this phrase and belief if you are going to say it to each other. Some people cannot or do not want to say words like this and that is fine. As previously stated, you should vow what you believe and nothing more. Don’t make your vow an empty promise that you cannot keep or that you do not want to keep, this is what makes them traditional wedding vows.

3. Traditional wedding vows should say what you want.

You may want traditional wedding vows, but you can put in or take out some of your own words and it will still be traditional. You are vowing or promising something that should be personal to your partner and to you, so don’t be afraid to change it up a little. There are three versions of traditional wedding vows below and they are very similar. The first is the more traditional vow:

Version 1:

I, ____________ (Bride or Groom), take you, __________________ (Groom or Bride), to be my lawfully wedded _________________ (husband or wife), to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Version 2
I, ____________ (Bride or Groom), do take you, __________________ (Groom or Bride), to be my wedded (husband or wife); to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, and to this I promise you my love.

Version 3
I, ____________ (Bride or Groom), take you, __________________ (Groom or Bride); to have and to hold; for richer for poorer, for better for worse, from this day forward, as long as we both shall live. With this ring, I thee wed, and all that I am and all that I have I give to you.

4. Traditional wedding vows should be reviewed after marriage.

One of the best ideas is to ask your wedding officiate for a copy of the wedding ceremony, but especially the vows and what you said during the exchange of rings (sometimes the vows are said during the exchange of rings, so this can be flexible). You have promised a particular few sentences and someone who is looking for traditional wedding vows would most likely want to remember what they vowed. This remembrance helps you to stay true to your wedding day and partner. Many times all is well in times of health, but often we forget our vows during times of sickness. You promised to have and to hold in both times. Also, in this current financial climate, you also promised to have and hold. As you may know, money is the number one problem in marriage so remember, if you are traditional, you should hold your partner while you are watching your 401K disappear.

5. Traditional wedding vows are to be repeated, so make sure you listen to what the wedding officiate is saying while you repeat what he/she is saying.

This might seem like a no brainer, but you would be surprised how many couples are not listening to what they are vowing. During my wedding my pastor, God bless him, said in my vow, “I John, take you Stephanie, to be my lawfully wedded husband…” Did you catch that…maybe not, but he said “husband” instead of “wife!” I caught it and it was funny, but you should take seriously what you are saying. Traditional wedding vows are meant to be said once, traditionally, so be careful. Have fun and good luck in the wonderful tradition of marriage and with your traditional wedding vows!

5 Essentials of a Marriage Compatibility Test

Strengthen your marriage with a marriage test


1. Reliable and valid?

It is easy to find a marriage compatibility test on the internet, but is the test really reliable and valid? In other words, a test is reliable if it is consistent or if it would give you the same results if you took it again. Tests and questions about feelings, which can change from time to time, are not overly reliable. Also, reliability pertains to whether a source is trustworthy. A test you can take for free on the internet is most likely not overly reliable.

Second, a marriage compatibility test is valid if it tests what it says it tests. Does a test truly gauge compatibility or marital cohesiveness or does it ask questions about whether you both like hot dogs? A test needs to measure aspects that are important to a successful relationship and marriage.

2. Price

As mentioned previously, there is a free marriage compatibility test or two on the internet and it is safe to say you usually get what you pay for. A couple should be careful with a marriage compatibility test, especially when it is free.

Aside from free tests, one marriage compatibility test, RELATE, charges about $20. Another test, the ENRICH test, can cost anywhere from $75 to $200. There is the FOCCUS test and this can cost around $100. A person could take a test form a marriage and family therapist and this could cost $100 an hour.

3. Ease of use

When you take a marriage compatibility test, is it easy to use or, in other words, is it easy to take online or in person and are the results easy to read and understand when you are done? With some tests you do not receive anything when finished, this will be explained next. You might receive a person who will sit down with you or talk with you on the phone. It is usually easy to understand the results with a qualified person, but it can cost a little more. Other marriage compatibility tests require some reading and understanding of relationships, but most are not difficult. A counselor is a good way to understand a marriage compatibility test because he/she will be right there in the room for you to ask, but, again, this will cost more.

4. What do you get?

In the ENRICH marriage compatibility test, you receive a report that shows what you scored in certain areas of your relationship, areas that are strong and areas that have potential for growth in your relationship, relationships dynamics (such as assertiveness, confidence, avoidance, and dominance), and profiles on the following:  stress, conflict resolution, and relationship roles. Usually a qualified and trained ENRICH assessor will go over these results with you.

Another marriage compatibility test, RELATE, gives you a 10-20 paged report on areas of your relationship such as communication and conflict resolution. You must go over the report by yourself, but someone is usually available to help, if needed.

The FOCCUS marriage compatibility test results are usually given with a facilitator and the facilitator is usually at a church or some other community organization. The results help to foster conversation about pertinent areas.

5. What does it measure?

Each marital compatibility test should measure aspects of your relationship that will determine marital cohesiveness. One of the main areas that should be examined is communication. Conflict resolution, finances, expectations, sexuality, spirituality, and children are all good areas.

10 Dangers of Premarital Counseling

Take an assessment of your relationship in the comfort of your own home

1. Expensive. The first danger of premarital counseling is that it can be expensive. You can expect to pay about $100 a session with a counselor and you will usually have about 5 sessions. That is a total of about $500 which is not cheap. Our assessments start at a fraction of that cost…$18!

2. Fixing “problems.” Your relationship may not be broken and may not need to be fixed. Much of counseling is based on a medical model – there is something wrong that needs to be fixed. Your life and relationship might be doing very well and you may not need to address any personal or relational problems at this time. We help you focus on your strengths and not totally on what is wrong in the relationship.

3. Embarrassing. You have to sit in front of someone who you don’t know and divulge your personal life which can be a danger of premarital counseling for some. Sometimes the counselor is warm and inviting, sometimes not. With our services, you can receive a report on your relationship and never see or talk to us, but if you need assistance we are only a phone call away.

4. Unqualified “counselors.” Many “premarital counselors” are not qualified for premarital counseling. While they mean well, many pastors and other officials have not had family and marriage training or education. Our assessors are licensed marriage and family therapists and/or they have master’s degrees in marriage and family therapy and/or they are at least completing their degree in counseling.

5. Time. Many couples who attend premarital counseling have already made their decision to be married, so another danger of premarital counseling is that you may not be making the best use of your time. We help your decision to be stronger in a fraction of the time so that you can work more on other things.

6. Focus on the past. Counseling deals with the past and you are looking to the future. Many times counseling involves fixing the damage from the past. We focus on the future.

7. Focus on emotional pain. Counseling deals with feelings and emotions that might include hurt or pain. You need tools and information on your relationship, not a discussion about feelings which can be a danger of premarital counseling. We focus on your personality and abilities, not your feelings.

8. Length of time commitment. Similar to danger #5, you may only have a few months or even weeks before the wedding and some forms of counseling take months to complete. You may simply need some good tools for marriage and not psychotherapy. With us you can receive and print out our inventory results instantly, you don’t have to wait.

9. Psychotherapeutic focus. Much of counseling is based on psychotherapy (Freud and his views on sex and your father/mother issues) and this form of therapy can be a danger of premarital counseling if not done properly. We focus on what is working in your relationship and where you can grow, if you so desire.

10. You must be face to face for counseling. This means that you have to take time to drive and sit in a counseling office. We all have busy schedules, especially those planning for a wedding. You do all of our inventories online and by phone, if desired, and the time commitment is very short.

I do want to say that many forms of counseling are great and very beneficial, after all, most of us, including myself, are counselors. Furthermore, most of these “dangers” can be resolved and there are good reasons why you can make them not dangerous. We simply hope that the premarital couple will be careful when considering premarital counseling.

Contact us for more help – 317-713-1130

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