Marriage Counseling In Indianapolis

Posted in Premarital/marital advice

Marriage counseling in Indianapolis, or any other city, can be a scary thing when you think about it. What is involved and/or will they tell us that there is no hope? These are questions that you might be asking yourself if you are contemplating getting marriage counseling here in Indianapolis.

When it comes down to it, you both know what to do to help your relationship. You have most likely dated and have been married for a while, so we will simply help you both remind yourselves of what worked. These are the areas on which we will focus:

First and foremost, we will focus on the areas that you think need it the most. We will listen to what you both have to say and get both sides of the story. If you are not sure where to begin then we may address the following…

Marriage Communication

* Find how to get that conversation back that sparks romance.
* How to be an exceptional communicator by talking and listening to you spouse.
* How to say what you mean in the most effective manner.

Conflict Resolution

* How to argue effectively.
* Utilize methods that resolve disagreements quickly.
* How to get your point across quickly and clearly.
* Know the things over which you should fight.

Financial Issues

* How to empower both individuals in the financial decision making.
* Facilitating financial agreements you both can enjoy.
* What we should be spending and not spending.

Sexual Problems in Marriage.

* Open the lines of communication to know what each person needs.
* How to give what the other person desires.
* How to please your spouse sexually.
* What men want. What women want.
* How to talk about sex.

These are only a few examples of what would be discussed when you come for marriage counseling in Indianapolis.

Marriage counseling can be challenging, but it can also be the most rewarding experience in which you have ever engaged. It is so much easier (and cheaper) to go to a counselor here in Indianapolis than to go through a divorce. Your kids, if you have them, and your extended family will benefit from your decision.

Please contact us if we can help you in any way. 317-713-1130 or click on the “Contact” tab at the top of this page. If you are interested in marriage counseling in Indianapolis and if you live within driving distance of our offices, we would enjoy meeting with you face to face.

Reduced fees and rates. Because we know times are hard for some people, we offer reduced fee counseling with qualified counseling residents. Please contact us to know our rates. Licensed counselors are available as well.

We are in association with www.GroffAndAssociates.com

Is Your Partner a Compatibility Match? “The Love Compatibility Book” Interview

Posted in Premarital/marital advice


John Rolf Jordan, CEO of ConnectionCare.com, interviews Dr. Marcella Bakur Weiner, co-author of “The Love Compatibility Book,” to help you with your compatibility match. The following questions will be answered and the following items will be discussed:

Where do you start in looking for a lasting love?

How to know yourself so you can choose another.

How can you know your true, core personality?

The definition of compatibility.

Some of the most important personality traits in relationships.

What are the personality traits of idealism, need for companionship, and subjective well being?

How can quizzes from the book help you?

How enjoying the feeding of pigeons in the park and help you know who you are and with whom you should partner.

How many personality traits do you need to have with a partner to have a good relationship?

Can you go with your impulse or first hunch?

Where is the cut off or is it a deal breaker if a partner does not share your personality trait?

Is there a soul-mate for everyone?

How can I know if this is the right one? How can I know if this relationship will last?

Left click this to view a transcript of the Jordan/Olson interviewLeft click the icon to the left to view a transcript of this interview as a plain text file. Size – 17 K

Left click this to view a transcript of the Jordan/Olson interview in PDF formatLeft click the icon to the left to view a transcript of this interview in PDF (Acrobat) format. Size – 72 K

To play the mp3, click in the little right pointing arrow just inside the light blue shaded area below. The player buttons are just above the little brown “Audio MP3″ box. The interview may take a little while to load (the time will depend on your internet connection).

 
icon for podpress  Dr. Marcella Bakur Weiner Interview "The Love Compatibility Book" [15:36m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (6)

Premarital counseling questions – What to discuss

Posted in Premarital/marital advice

When and if you go to a premarital counselor what premarital counseling questions will the counselor ask? Will they be personal questions? Will they be difficult questions? Will they be embarrassing questions? A counselor could ask any type of premarital counseling questions, but most of the time he/she will ask those questions that will help you prepare for marriage.

The following areas should be addressed when premarital counseling questions are asked:

  • Communication
  • Conflict Resolution
  • Expectations in Marriage
  • Personality Points
  • Finances
  • Sexual Expectations
  • Children and Parenting
  • Spirituality
  • Roles in Marriage
  • Leisure Activities

Premarital counseling questions in communication

  • When a problem arises, how does my partner communicate?
  • I could use more or less talking from my partner and how specifically?
  • How is my partner a good listener or not?

Premarital counseling questions in conflict resolution

  • How does your partner settle an argument?
  • Do you feel understood when you have an argument with your partner?
  • When you think about your conflict, how often does it seem like nothing ever gets resolved?

Premarital counseling questions in marital expectations

  • Is this person the only one with whom you could be happy and what happens if he/she passes away?
  • Is your partner responsible for your happiness and, if he/she is, how will he/she do that?
  • What, if anything, needs to change in your partner and what will happen if he/she cannot change?

Premarital counseling questions in personality issues

  • What kind of temper/mood does your partner have and can you live with it?
  • Are there some habits that you partner has that you don’t like?
  • What are some things that your partner does that embarrasses you and what will happen if they do not change?

Premarital counseling questions in finances

  • How exactly have you discussed your financial situation?
  • Does my partner have some debt that concerns me?
  • Who will make the decisions and what decisions will be made after marriage?

Premarital counseling questions in sexual expectations

  • Are you comfortable talking about sexuality with your partner?
  • Do you feel like your partner gives you the affection you feel you need?
  • Does your partner sometimes use sex as a weapon or as a way to manipulate you?

Premarital counseling questions in children and parenting

  • What are the responsibilities of each parent in raising a child?
  • How many children will we have?
  • How did your family raise you and your other brothers and sisters?

Premarital counseling questions in spirituality

  • How will we specifically exercise our spiritual beliefs, if at all?
  • Will we share our spiritual beliefs with our children or with others?
  • How can spirituality help our relationship to grow?

Premarital counseling questions roles in marriage

  • Who will do what around the house
  • What adjustments will each make to accommodate the other after marriage?
  • Who will have a more persuasive voice, if so, and in what area(s)?

Premarital counseling questions leisure activities

  • Do we enjoy the same activities and what are those that we enjoy the most?
  • Am I happy with the amount of leisure time we spend together?
  • Is your partner more social than you and does he/she seem to need this interaction more than you?

These areas should be addressed by your counselor. If he/she does not bring them up, you should.

If you would like to have more premarital counseling questions, if you would like to discuss these questions with a qualified premarital assessor/counselor, or if you are simply curious, please call 317 713 1130 or go to the “Contact” tab.

Some of these questions were adapted from Brady B. Forman’s “Discussion Guide for Prepare/Enrich.”


One of the better books with exceptional questions to discuss with your partner.

Click on the book to the left for more information on it.

Also, the book to the left by Monica Mendez Leahy is a great start for couples. You will find questions like the following:

Does your partner feel that you’re too attached to your parents?
Is there such a thing as innocent flirting?
Is it OK to cheat on your taxes?
Is there such a thing as innocent flirting?
Do you both want children?
How important is religion in your life?
Do you think couples should share the same political views?

Premarital Compatibility Test Demonstration Video

Posted in Premarital/marital advice, podcasts/mp3s

Many clients who visit this site wonder what is involved in taking a premarital compatibility test. This video explains the benefits, shows what is involved and how to go about experiencing the assessment.

The video lasts about 3 minutes.

If you have any questions, please contact us.

Premarital horror: the thought of breaking it off

Posted in Premarital/marital advice

When it comes to premarital assessments, the number one fear premarital couples have before marriage is the thought that someone will tell them they are not right for each other. Understandable, I would admit.

In her book “Deal breakers: When to work on a relationship and when to walk away,” Dr. Bethany Marshall discussed how to know if you are in a premarital relationship that is worth keeping and how to know if both the male and female are on the same relational page.

Marshall writes about relational arrangements and how to tell what the arrangement is for both parties in a premarital couple. Most women have an emotional arrangement while many men have a sexual arrangement. That is, the woman is emotionally tied to the man, but the man only looks to the woman for sex and can even look elsewhere for that sexual arrangement. The author defines this arrangement as a booty call, obviously.

Further, if the male or female is not interested in visiting the possible future in-laws then the non interested person also may not be interested in a long lasting, marital arrangement (unless the in-laws are unreasonable, of course).

The author suggests looking for three factors to know if you should keep the relationship: reciprocity (you both give in the relationship), generatively (the relationship is continually moving forward), and honesty (you share what is on your mind, openly, and your fiancé does the same).

Many premarital couples think that it would be horrifying to break off a wedding and/or engagement. However, let me give you something more horrifying…getting married to a person who does not give, who does not work on your relationship, and who is not honest.

Contact us and we will help you to determine the arrangement you have. If your fiancé won’t do a premarital compatibility test, that might be a sign as well.

If you would like to read more about the book mentioned above or if you would like to purchase it, please click on the links below:

10 reasons to not take a premarital compatibility test

Posted in Premarital/marital advice

Many people are hesitant to take a premarital compatibility test…why? I have my suspicious because I was hesitant to take a premarital compatibility test as well.

1. You will tell us we are incompatible – I hate to tell you this, but every couple is incompatible. Two different individuals equal two different opinions. One question is, will you build on your compatibility? More importantly, do you know where you are and where you are not compatible? This premarital compatibility test will tell you.

2. I know everything about my fiancé - I dated Stephanie for two years before we were married, I love relationship enrichment and like to talk, and I knew I had asked her every question. Our premarital compatibility test revealed more clues, about both of us, than I could have imagined. Clues that help me now in marriage.

3. We don’t want to think we have imperfections – No one wants to think that they are imperfect, but remember, sticking your head in the sand is not the best thing to do just before one of the most important decisions of your life. Keep your head high and this premarital compatibility test will show you where to look.

4. We don’t need it – maybe, but wouldn’t you want to prepare for your marriage as much as possible?

5. We don’t know you – we are trained premarital compatibility test assessors and you are more than welcome to learn about us from the “about” tab at the top of this page. Send us an email or give us a call and we will answer any question you might have.

6. I don’t like counseling, you will make me talk about my feelings – actually this is not counseling, this is an assessment or a review of your relationship. We do not fix anything; we do not bring up the past. We only discuss what information you can use to build a solid foundation for a happy and successful marriage.

7. This is just an online gimmick and not really that useful? – Studies show that you can actually reduce your chance for divorce by over 30% with this premarital compatibility test. The Prepare/Enrich assessment has been taken by over 4 million people and studied for over 30 years. It is up to 90% accurate in predicting a happy marriage.

8. You might tell us to not get married – really, only your partner and you can decide that. We only give information and you decide what to do with it.

9. The price is too expensive – you could look at the cost as an investment into your marriage. The average wedding costs just under $30,000. This premarital compatibility test is .45% of the total wedding cost and it will help you start in the best way possible.

10. I am scared to know the results – as said above, no one is perfectly compatible. You are the ones who can take charge and use the information we will give you. You can actually become more confident in your decision to marry and more confident that you can make your marriage work. What a wonderful peace that will be!

Lovemaking positions or the art of lovemaking?

Posted in Premarital/marital advice

I was reading Kevin Leman’s book, “Sheet Music,” and was reminded of a way of life that I learned in my graduate school sex class and that I have heard in a few random circles:

Lovemaking is not a science, it is an art.

The phrase “lovemaking positions” was searched over 5000 times in one day alone, so you would think that there would be a lot of informed people out there. You would think that there would be a lot of happy, lovemaking people who know a lot about how to have a good relationship. However, knowledge of all these lovemaking positions does not really foster a successful relationship or marriage.

On the flip side, the phrase “art of lovemaking” was searched a minuscule 25 times on the average day. By the number of searchers it would seem that more people are concerned with lovemaking positions than they are with the art of lovemaking. Maybe I am blogging about the wrong thing, but I don’t think I am.

According to the 2007 census there are a few shy of 6000 marriages a day. Conversely, you could say that there will be approximately 3000 divorces a day. Why, if we have so much information on sexual positions and Amazon.com is full of books on Tantric sex and the Kama Sutra, do we have 3000 divorces on the day you are reading this? I believe it is because sexual positions are not where it is at for relationships and it is not all about sex.

A good relationship does not center on learning another sexual position that is difficult to achieve as much it is about learning about the other person, himself/herself. I was watching some reality TV show on dating when a guy said he had to have sex with a girl before marriage in case she was bad in bed. Well, dude, buy her the Tantric sex book and she will be up to par for you. I would be willing to bet this guy knows everything about physically pleasing a woman and nothing about emotionally pleasing a woman. Only being able to physically please a woman won’t get you real far in a relationship, unless you just want to play the field for a while.

Set your sexual positions book aside and simply talk with your partner. Learn about what is happening in their heart more than learning about what feels best physically. Then you will truly have made a great marriage and relationship, you will truly have mastered the art of lovemaking.

Indianapolis road rage on I 465

Posted in Individual Self-help, Uncategorized

Yesterday, here in Indianapolis, a woman on I 465 was actually shot in the abdomen as the result of an apparent road rage incident. The details are not exactly known, but the shooter fired several shots into the injured woman’s SUV.

Now I have felt some anger and frustration on the road at times, but this is hard to believe. What are the statistics of road rage in the US?

MonkeyMeter.com lists Indianapolis at 2.55 on a 1 to 5 scale, which gives us a moderate level rating for road rage. AAA did a study back in 1997 and found that 37% of drives experiencing road rage used a firearm, 28% used another weapon, and 35% used their car…I wonder what it is now? I have heard of a guy, here in Indianapolis, taking marbles and throwing them out his window after he has passed a crabby driver.

The interesting thing is that there is a difference between road rage and aggressive driving according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration:

Aggressive Driving - “The commission of two or more moving violations that is likely to endanger other persons or property, or any single intentional violation that requires a defensive reaction of another driver.“

Road Rage - “An assault with a motor vehicle or other dangerous weapon by the operator or passenger(s) of one motor vehicle on the operator or passenger(s) of another motor vehicle caused by an incident that occurred on a roadway.“

How can you know if you suffer from road rage or if you are an aggressive driver? From the Washington State Patrol, here are some symptoms:

Mentally condemning or thought of violence toward other drivers.
Verbally expressing condemnation of other drivers to passengers in your vehicle.
Not obeying traffic safety rules, because you don’t agree with them.

Also, do you engage in the following aggressive and risky driving behaviors:

Following too close.
Speeding.
Weaving in and out of traffic.
Speeding up to beat a traffic light.
Cutting between vehicles to change lanes.
Using the horn excessively.
Flashing headlights excessively at oncoming traffic.
Braking to get others to back off your bumper.
Passing traffic and then slowing to teach the other driver a lesson.

If you think you do some of the above, you may want to seek help, give us an email by clicking the “contact” tab at the top right of this page, or call 317-713-1130. If you suffer because of those who do the above you may want to pull over and let them go by.

For some excellent information on road rage from every aspect, go to www.drdriving.org

Dr. David Olson-Prepare Enrich-mp3

Posted in podcasts/mp3s

John Rolf Jordan, CEO of ConnectionCare.com, interviews Dr. David Olson, president of Life Innovations, Inc. and creator of the Prepare Enrich assessment inventory. This interview involves the follow questions and answers:

Q - What is the Prepare Enrich inventory?
A - A tool to help couples know how each partner sees the relationship and how both are doing as a couple.

Q - What relational areas are examined in the Prepare Enrich inventory? Which areas are the most important?
A - Communication, sexuality, roles, spirituality, about the family of origin, and many more. The inventory finds out how these areas affect each person.

Q - What are some goals for the inventory?
A - Couple exercises can be used. Other goals are strengths for the couple, communication, conflict resolution, finance, and family of origin issues (what each person brings to the relationship from their family).

Q - What types of inventories can a couple take?
A – Prepare (individuals thinking about or getting married), Prepare CC (co-habituating couples), Prepare MC (couples with children), Enrich (married couples), Mate (older couples or older singles getting married again).

Q - How long have the inventories been around?
A - Prepare has been around for over 30 years.

Q – Are Prepare Enrich assessments accurate?
A – Studies show that accuracy is from 80-85% and can tell if a couple will be happy or not.

Q – Will the counselor tell the couple that they should not get married?
A – We do not tell them, but we may recommend more premarital counseling.

Q – What should the couple do with the information they are given.
A – Learn how to communicate, learn how to resolve difference. These objectives can be taught by the consultant.

Q – Does the couple really need to take the Prepare Enrich premarital assessment?
A – Some couples are doing well, but others do not realize what to do or how to change some things for the better.

Q – If there is so much involved, shouldn’t a couple see a professional therapist?
A – Couples can be helped by simply going through the Prepare Enrich assessment, but some may need extra insight and assistance.

Q – What should a couple do if they are preparing for marriage or if they are married, as it pertains to the Prepare Enrich inventory?
A – Taking a couple’s assessment helps the couple begin to talk about relevant issues in their relationship. The couple can find many strengths as well as areas in which to improve.

Left click this to view a transcript of the Jordan/Olson interviewLeft click the icon to the left to view a transcript of this interview as a plain text file. Size – 14 K

Left click this to view a transcript of the Jordan/Olson interview in PDF formatLeft click the icon to the left to view a transcript of this interview in PDF (Acrobat) format. Size – 64 K

To play the mp3, click in the little right pointing arrow just inside the light blue shaded area below. The player buttons are just above the little brown “Audio MP3″ box. The interview may take a little while to load (the time will depend on your internet connection).

 
icon for podpress  ConnectionCare.com-Dr. David Olson Interview [18:01m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (72)

Answers to, “Are you the right one?”

Posted in Premarital/marital advice

I can remember dating women in the past, thinking about getting married, and then asking myself, “What if this woman is not the right one, what if we are not that compatible?” Asking those questions kept me single for many years of my life and the information I am going to give you today could have helped me and it can help you now.

In Neil Clark Warren’s (he is the creator of EHarmony) book Date or Soulmate? he discusses, in chapter three, the must have and can’t stand lists. Every person, he will attest, must have a list of ten things that his/her partner must have for them to be a viable mate. Furthermore, each person must have a list of ten things that the person cannot stand in the partner he/she is thinking about marrying.

The positives might include the need for the partner to listen when the other is down and needs someone beside them. The obvious negatives would be alcoholism, addiction to pornography, etc. If a woman needs her man to listen to her and he never takes his eyes off of the TV set when they are dating, he will most likely watch the save TV set when they are married. If she can stand that then they might be more compatible. If she cannot stand to be ignored then they might not be compatible.

Warren states, “Marriage failures are frequently the result of rationalizing away the must-have or can’t-stand item.” I would say that countless women notice a trait in their man that is something they really can’t stand and the woman thinks that once they get married she will “fix” him or the trait will go away. Not likely. Men do the same thing.

If you have not taken the time to sit down and develop these lists then how do you know who is right for you and who is not. You might be wasting your time with one person and would do good to look elsewhere.