I can remember dating women in the past, thinking about getting married, and then asking myself, “What if this woman is not the right one, what if we are not that compatible?” Asking those questions kept me single for many years of my life and the information I am going to give you today could have helped me and it can help you now.

In Neil Clark Warren’s (he is the creator of EHarmony) book Date or Soulmate? he discusses, in chapter three, the must have and can’t stand lists. Every person, he will attest, must have a list of ten things that his/her partner must have for them to be a viable mate. Furthermore, each person must have a list of ten things that the person cannot stand in the partner he/she is thinking about marrying.

The positives might include the need for the partner to listen when the other is down and needs someone beside them. The obvious negatives would be alcoholism, addiction to pornography, etc. If a woman needs her man to listen to her and he never takes his eyes off of the TV set when they are dating, he will most likely watch the save TV set when they are married. If she can stand that then they might be more compatible. If she cannot stand to be ignored then they might not be compatible.

Warren states, “Marriage failures are frequently the result of rationalizing away the must-have or can’t-stand item.” I would say that countless women notice a trait in their man that is something they really can’t stand and the woman thinks that once they get married she will “fix” him or the trait will go away. Not likely. Men do the same thing.

If you have not taken the time to sit down and develop these lists then how do you know who is right for you and who is not. You might be wasting your time with one person and would do good to look elsewhere.