I was reading Kevin Leman’s book, “Sheet Music,” and was reminded of a way of life that I learned in my graduate school sex class and that I have heard in a few random circles:

Lovemaking is not a science, it is an art.

The phrase “lovemaking positions” was searched over 5000 times in one day alone, so you would think that there would be a lot of informed people out there. You would think that there would be a lot of happy, lovemaking people who know a lot about how to have a good relationship. However, knowledge of all these lovemaking positions does not really foster a successful relationship or marriage.

On the flip side, the phrase “art of lovemaking” was searched a minuscule 25 times on the average day. By the number of searchers it would seem that more people are concerned with lovemaking positions than they are with the art of lovemaking. Maybe I am blogging about the wrong thing, but I don’t think I am.

According to the 2007 census there are a few shy of 6000 marriages a day. Conversely, you could say that there will be approximately 3000 divorces a day. Why, if we have so much information on sexual positions and Amazon.com is full of books on Tantric sex and the Kama Sutra, do we have 3000 divorces on the day you are reading this? I believe it is because sexual positions are not where it is at for relationships and it is not all about sex.

A good relationship does not center on learning another sexual position that is difficult to achieve as much it is about learning about the other person, himself/herself. I was watching some reality TV show on dating when a guy said he had to have sex with a girl before marriage in case she was bad in bed. Well, dude, buy her the Tantric sex book and she will be up to par for you. I would be willing to bet this guy knows everything about physically pleasing a woman and nothing about emotionally pleasing a woman. Only being able to physically please a woman won’t get you real far in a relationship, unless you just want to play the field for a while.

Set your sexual positions book aside and simply talk with your partner. Learn about what is happening in their heart more than learning about what feels best physically. Then you will truly have made a great marriage and relationship, you will truly have mastered the art of lovemaking.