When it comes to premarital assessments, the number one fear premarital couples have before marriage is the thought that someone will tell them they are not right for each other. Understandable, I would admit.

In her book “Deal breakers: When to work on a relationship and when to walk away,” Dr. Bethany Marshall discussed how to know if you are in a premarital relationship that is worth keeping and how to know if both the male and female are on the same relational page.

Marshall writes about relational arrangements and how to tell what the arrangement is for both parties in a premarital couple. Most women have an emotional arrangement while many men have a sexual arrangement. That is, the woman is emotionally tied to the man, but the man only looks to the woman for sex and can even look elsewhere for that sexual arrangement. The author defines this arrangement as a booty call, obviously.

Further, if the male or female is not interested in visiting the possible future in-laws then the non interested person also may not be interested in a long lasting, marital arrangement (unless the in-laws are unreasonable, of course).

The author suggests looking for three factors to know if you should keep the relationship: reciprocity (you both give in the relationship), generatively (the relationship is continually moving forward), and honesty (you share what is on your mind, openly, and your fiancé does the same).

Many premarital couples think that it would be horrifying to break off a wedding and/or engagement. However, let me give you something more horrifying…getting married to a person who does not give, who does not work on your relationship, and who is not honest.

Contact us and we will help you to determine the arrangement you have. If your fiancé won’t do a premarital compatibility test, that might be a sign as well.