Is there a best age to marry? Am I too young to be engaged? How old should you be to get hitched? Is there an ideal age for tying the knot?
It seems that anyone who is younger, who is in a serious relationship, and/or who is discussing or contemplating marriage is asking this question. The problem is, the answer can be problematic.
Here are some easy, initial answers: There are more people in their 20s and these people are the most healthy, most of the time, to have children. Conversely, those in their 30s are more mature in many ways and more entrenched in their careers, fostering stability for a family and reducing the number one area of arguing, finances.
Great, both are correct and our question is still not answered. Let’s go to some other sources…
Public opinion:
A 2006 Gallup poll found the following:
25 – Ideal age for women to marry according to those polled
27 – Ideal age for men to marry according to those polled
42% think 22-25 is the ideal age for women to marry
33% think 22-25 is the ideal age for men to marry
20% think 21 or younger is the ideal age for women to marry
11% think 21 or younger is the ideal age for a man to marry
12% think 30+ is the ideal age for women
30% think 30+ is the ideal age for men
Incidentally, in a 1946 Gallup poll the ideal age for women was 21 and for men it was 25.
Both Gallup surveys (1946 and 2006) have shown that people believe that men should wait longer to marry than women.
Education is a factor for ideal marriage age opinion:
Those with a high school education or less are 4 times more likely to think that a woman should marry before 21.
Education does not have a large factor as it pertains to when a man should marry.
Finally, those who identify themselves as more conservative have a lower ideal age for marriage than those who consider themselves liberal.
Other opinions:
Rabbi Shmuley Botaech, author of 20+ relationship books and host of “The Rabbi Shmuley Show” on Oprah and Friends, XM Radio, gives a few positive early age for marriage opinions in an article:
- You can grow up together and you can experience life with someone if you marry young. At a young age you are not so set in your ways and you are more open minded, in other words you have less baggage.
- You can skip all the years of dating when you may possibly be played and hurt by the opposite sex.
- You will have fewer sexual partners. This would mean you might escape the psychological and psychological dangers of multiple sexual partners.
- You would escape the possible loneliness that comes with going through your 20s and 30s alone.
- You could have children when you are the most able physically. You could keep up with them because you would be more youthful and agile.
However, when it comes to a 50% chance of divorcing, loosing half your income, breaking up a family, and having to pay attorney fees, I would want to have more than just opinion if I was thinking about getting married. But, that is just me…
Studies:
Another sociologist, Norval Gleen, from the University of Texas, Austin, is finding that those who marry in their 20s are slightly more happy than those who marry in their late 20s and, what’s more interesting, the early 20 married are “significantly” more satisfied than those 30+ married couples.
This is about the extent of the pro young age to marry camp. Little other research can be found.
On the other side of the opinion, Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at John Hopkins University, states from his research, “It’s better not to get married as a teenager. Beyond that, I don’t think there’s an ideal age.”
Sociologist Paul Amato, from Pennsylvania State University, reports findings that show delaying marriage actually improves the quality of the relationship by a fair amount. These older (upper 20s and 30s) couples reported more relational cohesiveness (shared activities or hobbies), thought less about divorce, and thought less that their marriage would end.
Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, University of Denver, has found that marriage at a young age (before the age of 18 or 19) is a risk factor to marriage. Also, knowing each other for only a short amount of time before marriage is another risk factor. So, the longer you date and age, the better your chances.
Neil Clark Warren, clinical psychologist, founder of EHarmony, and author of “Finding the Love of Your Life,” has a chapter that describes seven causes of choosing the wrong mate. One of those seven is “The Decision is Made at Too Young an Age.” Here are some stats from that section of the book:
- Those 21 to 22 are twice as likely to divorce than those 24 to 25
- The divorce rate is 80% to 85% for those under the age of 20
- Studies show marriages are more stable after the individuals are over 25
- The most stable age for marriage is 28+
- Those who marry young are rarely prepared for the responsibilities of marriage
- A person needs to know themselves in a deeper way (life goals, needs, how you function on your own, etc.) so that they can then know the kind of person they need to marry. It is difficult to know yourself fully when you are not financially and emotionally separated from you parents. In today’s culture most are not separated from their parents until the mid 20s
- Persons with strong character (not lying, cheating or stealing, etc.) are more stable in marriage and a more established character depends on time and experience
- Persons with established emotional health are more stable in marriage and emotional stability usually, but not always, come with age
- If you want to make the right choice in a mate it is not determined by family backgrounds, by chemistry or that funny little feeling in your heart or stomach (studies show from 75% to 80% of chemistry evaporates 8 months after marriage unless the relationship has meaningful compatibility), or even your age! It is determined by making the right choice in the first place
Even as far back as 1974 sociologist Marcia Lasswell, in her book “Is There a Best Age to Marry?” wrote, “Divorce rates are the lowest for both men and women who marry for the first time at age 28 or later…The chances for a stable marriage increase as both partners reach the age of 30…”
From Bridezilla.com, a funny, yet possibly accurate list of signs you are too young to marry includes the following, “Your groom-to-be cuts out of the rehearsal dinner due to the opening of Napoleon Dynamite.” There may not be a best age to get married; there are pros and cons no matter which way you go. In all seriousness, when wondering if you are too young to marry, the most important considerations are not so much age, but the following:
- Ability to define and live out the word “commitment.”
- Ability to define and live out the word “love (the more you think it is a feeling rather than an action, the less likely you are ready for marriage).”
- Ability to make sure you know yourself (it helps to have been on your own financially and emotionally) and the kind of person with whom who are the most compatible.
- Ability to know your life goals and what you want to do so you will know if your partner will be compatible with them.
- Ability to know if you compatible with the other person.
As previously mentioned, Neil Clark Warren states that a lasting marriage it is not so much determined by family, chemistry, or age, but compatibility. You must be highly compatible. If you are not sure about compatibility with your partner, we can help you. We can tell you how compatible you are with you partner with incredible effectiveness and accuracy. With one out of every two couples getting divorced it would help to know where you are compatible and when you may need to work on your relationship.
Let’s say you were going into a town where you were 50% likely to get killed. Before you left, you were told that you could have a map that would tell you where it is dangerous and where you might get in to trouble. Would you want that map? ConnectionCare.com will give you this map to your marriage. The premarital test is the map and we will explain how to navigate the tough, but fulfilling, institution of marriage.
Finally, Neil Clark Warren adds that choosing the wrong mate comes down to ignorance, cluelessness, and people not being taught how to make correct choices. We will help you make the best choice you can make, despite your age.
Sources:
http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Relationships/2006/12/Too-Young-To-Marry.aspx
http://www.gallup.com/poll/23404/Ideal-Age-Marriage-Women-Men.aspx
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-11-09-delayed-marriage_N.htm
http://www.prepinc.com/main/docs/what_factors.html
http://www.bridezilla.com/2007/04/top_ten_signs_you_are_too_youn.cfm
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0508/p11s02-lifp.html
